Ministry of Propaganda - 18/Jan/2006: "Happy New Year, Mr Hales!"

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Happy New Year, Mr Hales!

Remember Mr Hales? Yes, he's the one from TV Licensing who wasn't in a Christmas mood four weeks ago. Seems he's trying to start the new year as he finished the old year, sending nasty letters. But then again, his latest letter received today kind of disappoints:

First of all it was another attempt to send it as recorded delivery. But it looks like the postman couldn't be bothered with taking it back (I wasn't here when the mail came this morning) and just put it through my letterbox anyway. No signature again...

Its header is one of the old classics: OFFICIAL WARNING - THIS PROPERTY IS UNLICENSED. Yawn. Yes, I've heard that one before.

Quickly followed by yet another empty threat: You are hereby notified that we have authorised officers from our Enforcement Division to visit your home and interview you under caution, as our records show... Yeah, yeah, heard that one before. You are beginning to bore me. What has happened in the last years since this saga began? 1 (in words: one) visit by someone. And what did he (or she) do? Left a letter.

The letter continues with the usual Your statement will be taken in compliance with the Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984*, and is the first step in our action to prosecute if we find evidence that you watch or record television without a valid licence. I'm so looking forward to this:

Enforcer: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say may be used against you in a court of law. Something along those lines. I think.
Me: Yes
Enforcer: We do not have a record of a valid TV Licence for this property
Me: Yes. And?
Enforcer: Since when do you not have a TV Licence?
Me: Let me think, something like seven years, may be eight.
Enforcer (mentally trying to calculate the impressive fee he's going to get for this one): That will be a big penalty, because you need a TV Licence and you have been breaking the law.
Me: You think so?
Enforcer: Yes, sign here.
Me: No
Enforcer: Why?
Me: Has it crossed your mind that I might not have "television receiving equipment" and therefore don't need a licence?
Enforcer: Oh. Can I come in and inspect your flat?
Me: No. (closes door)

Well, something along those lines. (Dream on. That's never going to happen. Ed.) But I'm digressing, back to the letter:

To avoid an appearance in court before a magistrate I would strongly advise your to call 0870 240 3210 or buy a TV Licence online at www.tvlicencing.co.uk Yeah, yeah, I know. Only problem with that is that I don't need a licence, so I guess the chance of having to appear in court before a magistrate is fairly slim. But I'm wondering if I can get you for harassment, especially as you're ruining other peoples evenings with your stupid harassing letters. On the other hand, can I be bothered?

And with that I close this entry, the next letter should arrive in about a months time. More then. Assuming the letter is a bit more interesting than this one.

End of entry

Entry trivia

When writing this entry the weather was: cloudy, mild for the time of year (I think)
When writing this entry I was listening to: BBC 6 Music
I'm currently reading/have just finished reading this book/publication: Private Eye
I recently visited this website/-page: none
The last drink I had was/is: The Arran Malt (the last dram from the bottle)

End of entry trivia

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